What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 15:22
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What did i know ?
Prelim Results | UFC Fight Night: Blanchfield vs Barber - UFC.com
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I have no regrets .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why did Donald Trump look so old during the debate?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
This is soul school!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
'Brady Bunch' Star Mourns Terrible Loss: 'My Heart is Broken' - Yahoo
He knew the spot.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Self-learning neural network cracks iconic black holes - Phys.org
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The Universe's Largest Map Has Arrived, And You Can Stargaze Like Never Before - ScienceAlert
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But, we were locked up after school.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Kevin Durant stat sheet: 15 key numbers after deal to Rockets - NBA
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But it wasn’t much.
Have you ever forcibly sucked someone’s dick?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We were not on the streets..
How do you perform a lap dance for your boyfriend or husband?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
GM plans $4 billion push to move production from Mexico to U.S. - The Detroit News
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My life is so biszare .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So whats the point in blame.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I think the readers, may guess!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I will be 64.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Who then, do I blame.?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Comes on , in middle age.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Ive learnt so much.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was scared of men, in general
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im still living with it.
So, i spoilt her more .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She loved him until the end.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She married twice! .
I was 9 years of age.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And i lived it daily.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was very sick at this time too.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She was in good health!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She found it foreign!.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I said to her
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It was going to be , some day.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was seconnd youngest,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
When she asked me how she looked .
One cannot live in the past .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My family never makes their pension either.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Put me off passion for life!!
Would this be the day?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I write beautiful poetry .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
(And it was in our own minds.)
All the time i was locked up.
I don,t even have a pension.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I waited trembling.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We all went to grammer schools